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The Adventures of Kinkajou
Chapter 1: Tsunami ships! "Er, Kinkajou, I don't think we should be using my power this way..." Moon whispered to the bouncy RainWing as she dragged her towards Tsunami's sleeping cave. "Don't blame me, Turtle gave me the idea!" Kinkajou whispered back excitedly. Her scales were stone grey as not to be seen by other students who might be walking around at midnight, but her joy was visible on her face. "Besides, it will be AWESOME!" "Shhhh!" Moon hushed her. "Now, read her mind!" Kinkajou loudly whispered. Moon obliged against her will. "Okay, this is what i got..." That afternoon... Kinkajou sauntered into the Prey Center, where everyone was chatting or hunting or just sleeping on the floor (In the case of one MudWing). Moon rubbed her temples. Just as Starflight, Clay, and Tsunami entered the Prey Center to grab a bite to eat, Kinkajou screeched at the top of her lungs, "CLAYNAMI AND STARNAMI WERE ONCE REAL SHIPS!!!" Silence. Clay looked up from eyeing a cow, his ears sticking straight up like a deer's. Starflight fell onto his back turtle-style in surprise. "WHO ARE SPREADING THESE LIES?!!!!!!!!" Tsunami hollered. Students fled in terror, all except the MudWing that was sleeping on the ground, whom Tsunami picked up and swung by his tail like a rope. The MudWing woke up. "HEEELLLLPPPPP!!!" He screamed. Kinkajou had camouflaged and snuck away, leaving Moon to Tsunami's mercy. "YOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!" Tsunami screeched. Long story short, Moon was in a coma by the time Tsunami was done with her. Chapter 2: EVERYONE IS SHIPPED WITH MOON Qibli and Winter raced each other to the infirmary where Moon was. "MY LOVE!" they sobbed at the same time when they saw her passed out on the bed. "Hey, she's not yours! Me and Moon are canon!" Qibli argued. "Well over HALF of the Wings of Fire Wiki ships WinterWatcher! They don't want her belonging to street vermin like you!" Winter snapped back. Turtle rushed in. "NOOO!" he cried. "MOOOOON!!" Then Umber and dead Carneilean rushed in. "I DON'T WANNA BE GAY ANYMORE! i WANNA BE WITH MOON!" Umber yelled. "I HOPE SHE DOESN'T DIE LIKE ME!" Carnelian shouted. Then Peacemaker squeezed in. "Moony-pie! Wakey-wakey!" He said crying. Then Peacemaker split in two and Darkstalker became the left half. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN!" He bellowed. Then everyone in the universe teleported to Moon's side and cried. Then Kinkajou silently laid flowers on the bed. Everyone bowed their head and laid flowers on the bed, except Turtle, who laid a fish on the bed. Then Kinkajou shooed everyone away and made Darkstalker turn into Peacemaker again, and said, "WAKE UP, ITS TIME FOR SCHOOL!" She woke up. Chapter 3: Blue sings and Clearsight doesn't help anyone Kinkajou poked a SilkWing named Blue. "Sing "I'M BLUE while doing The Floss with your big wings while dabbing with your smaller wings and spinning fidget spinners with your arms with a fake mustache on!" "OH YEAH I LOVE THAT SONG!" Blue replied. "I'M BLUE IF I WAS GREEN I WOULD DIE IF I WAS GREEN I WOULD DIE" Blue sang while dabbing and Flossing and spinning fidget spinners with a fake mustache on and "Deal With It" glasses as a bonus. Clearsight suddenly came from heaven and all of the dragons gasped. "I'm Clearsight. the HiveWings are not really my grandchildren because they would have to commit incest and that's gross." She said, confirming something literally everyone knew. Then she went back to heaven before anyone could ask to have Books 12-15 and all the books from Wings of Fire to come. That made everyone very grumpy. Especially Kinkajou. She tugged Clearsight back down and shouted in her ear to give them every book in the Wings Of Fire series. "NU" Clearsight screamed and flew into the sun. Chapter 4: Kinkajou doesn't even appear in this chapter "So you had a crush on me and Starflight?" Clay asked. "NONONONONONONONONOHACKHACKHACKnotanymoreHACKHACKHACKNONONONONONO" "In the middle of her hacks, Tsunami said "Not anymore." Starflight observed. "DARN STARFLIGHT AND HIS FALCON HEARING!" Tsunami shouted. "I will play matchmaker. Clay, have you ever had a crush on Tsunami?" Starflight asked. "Well, I did until I met Peril." Starflight shoved them together and ran out of the room. "Ack!" They shouted at the same time. Apparently, Clay had eaten a glue bottle and now his and Tsunami's snouts were stuck together. Peril came into the room. "Hi Clay- WHY ARE YOU KISSING TSUNAMI!" "PERIL THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!" Clay yelled. Riptide entered the room. "Wha- WHA- Tsunami, you betrayed me!!!" Riptide sobbed. "THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, i PROMISE!!!" They both shouted. "Well, HERE!" He smacked a fireproof gel on his snout and kissed Peril. Some time later, after much sobbing, their snouts finally pulled apart from the water in their tears. "WE MUST GET REVENGE ON STARFLIGHT!" Clay shouted. "I know the perfect way!" Tsunami declared. They both grinned evilly. "SunnySpeaker." ''they said in usion. Chapter 5: Or this one Starflight sauntered the halls, feeling please with himself. He bumped into a wall. "Huh, I don't remember this wall being here." ''Bump. "Or that one." Bump. ''"Or that one." Really, Clay was blocking Starflight by making him bump into his arm. Tsunami cornered Sunny and Fatespeaker. "What do you want, Tsunami?" Sunny asked cheerfully. Tsunami smeared the brand of invisible glue Clay had eaten onto their snouts. Clay lead Starflight to where Sunny and Fatespeaker where. They nodded, and Tsunami broke a stick that was enchanted by Anemone to make Sunny and Fatespeaker say they love each other whenever Starflight was around when it broke. "I LOVE YOU FATESPEAKER!!!" Sunny said. "I LOVE YOU TOO!" Fatespeaker answered. Tsunami shoved their snouts together. "Fatespeaker? ...Sunny?" Starflight asked mournfully. He dropped onto the ground and sobbed. Tsunami and Clay high-fived and left the room. Chapter 6: Turtlejou shall be canon! "HOI TURTLE! I'M KINKAJOU!" Kinkajou shouted in Turtle's ear. "Hi there." He responded. "LETS HAVE A SHIPCHILD!" Kinkajou screamed. "Wait Kinkajou HOLD ON-" Kinkajou held out blueprints. "So, color-changing scales, able to breath underwater, shoot venom, has a curly thick tail, all scales glow, is part of a prophecy, no one understands them, emo as heck, is an animus, can read minds and see future, can control minds, is really an AllWing even though thats not possible, Mr Evil dude stole them at hatching, but returns to us, constantly making undertale references, grows up to be ruler of all tribes and everyone loves them. That sound good? Ok!" Kinkajou then dragged Turtle to the shipchild machine because the other way to make a shipchild was too long and the author wants to keep this child-friendly even though its 13+ to make an account on the wiki but people lie all the time so who knows. And then..... Mary Sue was born. (And deleted by the author as soon as Kinkajou turned away.) Chapter 7: Truth Or Dare "LETS PLAYYYYYYYY TRUTH OR DARE!" Kinkajou yelled. "Okay, Kinkajou. Truth or Dare?" Clay asked. "Dare." "I dare you to eat the moons." Kinkajou went to space and ate the moons but then catapulted out of the orbit so Turtle had to bring her back and made new moons out of marshmellows. Kinkajou melted into Turtles arms with a rose in her mouth. Turtle wanted to die. "Come on Kinkajou we already have a shipchild-"THAT THE AUTHOR DESTROYED!" "-We dont need any more TurtleJou..." "Turtle, truth or dare?" Tsunami asked. "Uhm, Dare." "Mature Turtlejou moment." "Oh, come on!" "HEY! INSTEAD OF PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE LETS PLAY SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN!" Kinkajou voted. "Sure!" Said everyone but Turtle. Turtle died on the inside. Kinkajou grabbed Turtle and bounced into the closet with him. They shut the door. As soon as that happened, everyone ran for their lives from the closet. I'll end this chapter now. Chapter 8: Kinkajou finds out about an intense love triangle Kinkajou was flying high above the clouds when she saw two dragons fighting. Kinkajou crash-landed between them. "STAWP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!" One of the dragons was a 7-year-old blue SilkWing. He seemed to be under some kind of medication, because the whites of his eyes were green, so they should be called the greens of his eyes. The other was an adult HiveWing that was completely black except for a few flecks of orange, with a haughty frown. The blue SilkWing under medication screamed, "FOR THE MOONS!" and launched himself at the HiveWing. Kinkajou gasped. "VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!" Kinkajou pulled a leash from nowhere and put it around the SilkWing's neck. "BAD DOGGO!" Then the SilkWing started talking really fast. "Luna's name originally came from the word Lunar which meant 'moons' so saying 'FOR THE MOONS!' is like saying 'FOR LUNA' but in code-" "Who's Luna?" Kinkajou asked. The SilkWing and HiveWing gasped. "You don't know who Luna is?" inquired the HiveWing. "She is the most beautiful SilkWing in all the Hives. And I, Hawker, will marry her!" "NUUUUUUUUUU!!!! I, SWORDTAIL, AND LUNA ARE ALREADY DATING!" Swordtail screamed. "Wait, wait. How old is Luna?" Kinkajou asked. "Um, about-" Hawker started. "She's 6!!!" Swordtail interrupted. "Oh my MOONS! Hawker, you pedophile! That is disgusting!" Kinkajou shouted. Then she turned to Swordtail. "YOU! Luna probably doesn't want to date someone on drugs! You're crazy!" Swordtail and Hawker walked away, sad. Chapter 9: WATCH OUT ITS THE APOCALYPSE oh wait its the crack shippers THIS IS EVEN WORSE THEN I THOUGHT Kinkajou was just taking a walk in the rainforest when a hooded person stuffed her into a sack. "NOT AGAIN!!!" Kinkajou couldn't get out, though. Even when she sprayed it with venom, it just kinda stained it. "wut" Soon, she arrived to her destination, because she heard the GPS say "You have arrived." Kinkajou was dumped out of the sack and into an experiment cage. "WUT" She then saw all of her friends in similar cages. "WUT HAVE YOU DONE TO THEM???!!!!" She shouted angrily. The hooded person raised their hood... they didn't have a face... instead, there were two words: ''crack shipper. '' "We are the Wings of Fire branch of the 'crack shippers' cult. We will take over the world with our ridiculous yet beautiful ships. I am in charge of the Kinkajou x Darkstalker/Peacemaker ship." Kinkajou saw the tiny Peacemaker in the same cage she was in. "I'm not going to be a pedophile! I just scolded someone for being one in JUST the previous chapter!" "The crack shippers do not care." Kinkajou suddenly saw Glory in a cage... with... ''Winter?!?! "Oh, yeah. My buddy over there is in charge of the ship Wintery. " The person waved at them. Suddenly, Kinkajou realized, the person in charge of Wintery was none other then TUNDRA! (Yep, i crack-ship Winter and Glory.) "YOU BETRAYED US FOUL SCUM" Kinkajou screamed. Tundra winced. "Yeah... also, after you and Peacemaker make a shipchild in the shipchild machine-" "YOU STOLE MY SHIPCHILD MACHINE???!!" "-then you will be assigned to 452.637.480., who is in charge of Kinkajou x Blue. Then Kinkajou x Starflight. Then Kinkajou x Queen Coral. Then- "Alright, alright, I get it!" Kinkajou tried to think of how to escape. She then overheard someone talking to Tundra. "We're gonna make a shipchild army! And take over the world with them!" Kinkajou gasped. This was worse then she thought. Tundra knew she had to take action. She couldn't let all those shipchildren become supersoldiers in the crack shipper army. So soon, when it was Wintery's turn to have a shipchild, she secretly tossed them out the window. She then unlocked the cage that the shipchildren were in, screaming "YOU ARE FREE! GO BACK TO THE WILD!" she then busted out everyone in the cages. Long story short, the entire Wings of Fire branch of the Crack Shipper cult was demoted. Category:Fanfictions (Incomplete) Category:Fanfictions (Fanon) Category:Genre (Comedy) Category:Genre (Romance) Category:Fanfictions